A few days back, while I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, I happened to watch a video by ‘All Out’. The video is about a mom – Kirti, who blames herself for her child’s ill health. She feels responsible for her child’s well- being and is burdened with the guilt that, a mom should know it all. Sounds familiar?
This is because we as women are conditioned into believing that we should know everything about child rearing as soon as you give birth to a child. Do watch the video, I am sure you will be overwhelmed like I was after watching it.
Coincidently, I was also invited to attend the All Out #MujheSabNahiPata event. As a mommy blogger for the past 3 years now, I have attended many brand events. But this was one of its kind. For me, this was one of the best events that I have attended.
I say this because until now, it was very difficult for me to shut off the mommy guilt. I cannot make tasty food, I go out for movies, take girl trips, and then feel guilty about leaving my daughter alone at home. This has also led me to sometimes think that I am a bad mother. If my daughter becomes sick, I think I didn’t feed her healthy food. Every time, when my daughter has needed me and I was not there, I have felt the mommy guilt.
My Mommy Guilt
One year ago, my daughter’s skin got infected by a virus. This viral infection is called the Molluscum Contagiosum in medical terms. It is an infection that results in small, raised, pink lesions with a dimple in the centre. This virus is highly contagious. This meant she couldn’t attend school or go for her swimming classes until it was cured. It all started in the month of April last year when I saw two very small spots on her skin. I ignored them. In the month of May, the virus had spread further. So, I consulted a dermatologist, who suggested a small surgery because the disease was highly contagious. Also, she warned that there will be few scars left, which will eventually become lighter. But I was travelling the next day, so she prescribed me a few medicines to prevent it from increasing. We kept applying the medicine for over a month and the lesions were getting reduced, so we didn’t opt for the surgery. However, this guilt that I had ignored initially, crept onto me like the virus itself and refused to let go.
Even after three months of detection of the virus, the lesions were still there. She wasn’t cured completely. Luckily the virus had stopped spreading too much and was not that active so she could attend school and her classes. But all the while people would keep asking me about her skin condition. I felt as if I had not taken this seriously and felt responsible for her condition.
We started looking for alternative medicines and found our answer in homoeopathy. Thankfully within 15 days, the virus reduced drastically and after a month she was cured completely.
My #MujheSabNahiPata Realisation
But until the day I attended the All Out #mujhesabnahinpataevent, this guilt was there. I kept thinking that I was not cautious earlier and I could have avoided this situation if I had been more vigilant. I am thankful to All Out and Ruchita Dar Shah for inviting me to be a part of the event, where we had some insightful conversations, that helped me overcome this mommy guilt that had been bothering me since the past one year.
The #MujheSabNahiPata Conversations
We kickstarted the conversations with the elegant mom and versatile actress Ms Sonali Bendre, who spoke honestly about her own journey as a mom. Sharing the stage with Ms Bendrewere Eminent paediatrician Dr Sameer Dalwai who has over 22 years of rich experience, Parul Patel who is a renowned Child counsellor, and Ruchita Dar Shah, founder of the largest mommy community First Moms Club.
We had some very interesting conversations during the meet. Sonali Bendre pointed out that a mom should not feel guilty if the child is unwell. She also rightly said that it is not necessary that once you become a mom you will know everything immediately. It takes a while to get accustomed to the role of the mother and its completely normal.
Online Mommy Communities
Ruchita shared her personal experiences, bringing in her natural wit into the conversation. She shared that, when you have the right support around you, it becomes easier to settle into the new role of a mother. She added that this is what prompted her to make First Moms Club – a platform where moms could share their doubts, parenting queries and just be themselves, sharing their thoughts without the fear of being judged. Ms Bendre also acknowledged that it is not necessary for mothers to know it all, and it’s ok to accept that and ask for help. She also mentioned that she is glad that such communities exist wherein moms can share their feelings openly.
Dr Dalwai was asked to share his views on the measures to prevent illnesses and guide the moms present at the event, with medical information on dengue. He discussed the measures of early detection of dengue and the line of treatment. That helped answer the various questions that had suddenly cropped up in my mind after watching the ‘All out’video.
Ms Parul Patel also helped moms understand that expert intervention can help make parenting easy, as she shared her own experiences of speaking with parents over the years of her practice.
The floor was then made open for us to ask questions and share our own stories. And we had so many things to share. Moms shared their joys of motherhood, queries, sorrows so openly that I felt like I knew them all, even if I was meeting them for the first time. I think we all bonded over motherhood.
A Pledge to accept #MujheSabNahiPata #iDidntKnow
We concluded the event with Ms Sonali asking us to tie a knot on our dupattas and remember always that it’s ok to accept #MujheSabNahiPata! I am so glad I got to be present at this enriching session and I urge you all to check out the ‘All Out’ video.
Be brave and share your stories with other mothers through the comments section as well because you should not be afraid to ask. Tie a knot in your attire, to remind yourself to share your #MujhseSabNahiPata experiences. Because there will always be times when #MujheSabNahiPata situation arises in your motherhood journey.