parenting

My 2 Most Effective Parenting Mantras For Pre-Teens.

Pre-teen parenting is complex. But we can make it simpler and effortless. How can that be done, you would ask? We are constantly struggling with mood swings, tantrums, peer pressure, physical changes and many more such behavioural complexities. You might say.

My answer: I follow a simple mantra.

Honesty

Parenting becomes complex if we aren’t honest with our kids. To gain their trust is primary in order to raise kids in the world which is changing at techno speed. I make my communication with my daughter honest, open and continuous. It’s never like, ‘Sit here, we need to talk’. I honestly share what will be accepted and which demands or behaviour is totally unacceptable. I am firm but open to discussion. And I am absolutely honest about it with her.

Nowadays there are many other factors which positively and negatively influence a child/kid/young adult. In order to raise independent, free-thinking and confident adults we need to be honest with kids. It is important that the child knows what is expected in terms of behaviour because during pre-teen and teenage years there are going to be many arguments.

Their behaviour could be influenced by their peers or if they feel pressurized by them. In such a situation, if they know what kind of behaviour is absolutely unacceptable at home, they will honestly be reasonable with their demands. Also, they know the manner in which to put across their demands and opinions. Build an environment at home wherein they are not scared to share their views and opinions. They should know that they will be listened to, but they should also know that it is not necessary that every opinion or demand will be validated. It will make communication easy.  

Sharing my own personal preteen stories

Whenever I face a situation wherein my daughter becomes stubborn or adamant, I share my own personal stories. I talk about all the mistakes I made which I was in my pre-teen years. I tell her that these are my mistakes after I grew up, I felt I should have done things differently. I should have listened to my parent’s opinions. Today I regret. But those mistakes have taught me something. I am sharing these with you, you make your own mistakes and learn from them but learn from mine too.

I would like to share a personal parenting challenge that I am facing currently with my daughter. She will be ten years in a couple of months now. She is fearless and determined but she lacks concentration. Constantly, I receive feedback from her school that due to lack of focus her performance in everything that she does becomes average. Same feedback I receive from her swimming coach. I was exactly like her. Today as an adult if I had to go back in time and change that about me, I would do it. I very openly and honestly share this with her. I don’t mind sharing my weaknesses with her. That way she knows she can share everything with me. She knows I will understand because she knows that even I went through the same. Also, it makes the mother-daughter bond stronger.  

I always assert that I am your mother so I know what’s best for you. But she also knows that I will easily turn into the friend she needs whenever she wants me to be one. 

Do you feel these parenting mantras would be effective for you as well? Do share your thoughts in comments. Also, do let me know your parenting mantra too. 

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This post is a part of Momology blog train hosted by Thoughts by Geethica, SlimexpectationsMummasaurus and Truly Yours Roma sponsored by FirstCry Intellikit, Instacuppa, Diet Funda, Hugs n tugs, Tina Basu, Unorthodoxpeeps, Lotus Herbals baby and Shumee toys.

You can read other effective Parenting Mantras written for #momology blog train on Monika’s blog Alu Bhujia and Pragnya’s blog .

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13 comments

  1. Though N is still young, I always thought I would let him make his mistakes and learn from them, rather than influence his thoughts with my own history. But your perspective is thought provoking. Indeed now that I think about it, there are mistakes I made that I would rather he avoid and maybe speaking with him openly is the right approach. Thanks for sharing this perspective.

    • Of course you are doing it right. You have to let him learn from his mistakes. With Mishti since she is going through many emotional & physical changes now, sharing my personal experiences is helping me understand her thoughts better. As she has started sharing more with me now.

  2. honesty is something i have found that really connects with kids and also telling them stories from ur own childhood and how tackled the situations strikes a chord with them. #Momology @clanpedia

  3. Great post Aesha and I could co-relate with it so well. my elder one is turning 10 in next couple of months. and I am facing more or less same issues as you had mentioned. I agree being honest is best policy and it works wonderfully in handelling most tricky parenting situations. #Momolgy

  4. I hear you Aesha. My daughter will be turning 11 this year. And the two things you have mentioned are very important. Honesty goes a long way. Also I feel once they reach the pre-teen stage , they look for a combination of guidance and friendship so in such moments, telling them our stories works great. Atlas they get an assurance that they are not the only one going through this.
    #Momology #MothersGurukulreads

  5. I feel that honesty and sharing personal stories goes a long way in the parenting journey. And also its important that the stories that we share with kids also include our failures and mistakes. That will make them capable of handling their own failures and deal with them better.

    • Yes, sharing our failures doesn’t portray us negatively, rather as you said it helps them to deal with their failures in a better way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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