parenting

P Is For Parenting #DecodingMidlife

According to the dictionary, Parenting is the activity of bringing up and looking after your child.

The dictionary meaning makes Parenting so simple. But we all know Parenting is hard. There are no rules or set theories which one can follow while parenting a child. There are multiple resources and research on parenting methods to help you with parenting but you may not always find the solution required by you.

I read a lot about parenting. But I strongly believe and have faith only in my instincts as a mother when it comes to parenting my daughter. Let me tell you, though I am always confident that I will never go wrong I have and made numerous parenting mistakes. My aim to have a blog of my own was to interact with parents and look for answers to my doubts. I was looking out for support from fellow parents who would tell me in real-time, “Don’t worry, everyone makes mistakes”. A parenting book would also tell me that but it feels right when a fellow parent shares his own personal story to re-assure me.

When I look back to the past 9 years of parenting my daughter there have been occasions where I have lost my patience and raised my voice and my hand on her. I feel extremely guilty of doing that but I have to confess, I did that. Even if it’s once, it’s not right. That was another reason which made me write about parenting. As I took to writing, I calmed down a lot. I got a platform where I could share my apprehensions, anxieties with people who don’t know me. I had this belief that I will not be judged. Thankfully I found a very supportive community.

Now I embark on another journey- an important transition in my life as I will approach midlife. Much will change. Again, there will be compelling circumstances arising due to the overwhelming physical changes. I know I don’t have to lose my calm on such occasions. There can’t be a repeat of mistake I did earlier while raising a toddler. My daughter will enter her tweens and I will enter my midlife. Both of us will go through an emotional roller coaster. The relationship can turn fragile. As a parent, I will have to nurture it and make the bond stronger than ever.

While reading articles on parenting during midlife, I came across this very interesting opinion which suggested that midlife concerns over one’s identity may lead mothers to have misgivings about their competence as a parent. This could be so true. Midlife years are the ones wherein we do a lot of introspection and soul-searching. My entire series is based on introspection and about how I want my future life to be. I would not want my intense midlife concerns to question my parenting capabilities.

I am also conscious that by the time I reach midlife my daughter is going to be independent yet adolescence can be a confusing time of change for her. Though she might not need me as she does now yet she will require my silent support.

Here is what I intend to do.

  1. Set reasonable expectations.
  2. Set a positive example. Which means I am not going to fret over the transition in my life. I will be careful about my behaviour. Through it, I shall set a positive example on ways to cope with stress and be resilient.
  3. Spend quality time together. Do things she would love together.
  4. Acknowledge that she has changed. Acknowledge that she will depend and spend more time with her peers.
  5. Keep the lines of communication always open. Lend a listening ear, that’s what they need the most.

“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”

– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Do read this very interesting article I came across on Parenting Teens. 

19 comments

  1. Hi Aesha! We are sailing in the same boat. My daughter is also in her tweens and I share the same concerns as you. Such informative posts, Aesha. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  2. You have expressed your thoughts so beautifully. Yes, I too agree parenting is not that easy. But it can be made as happier journey by being mindful. Mindful Parenting helped me to get closer with my son than anything.

  3. I loved reading this and greetings from the A-Z Challenge. I tend to talk more in terms of being a parent, than being a Mum. I like the gender neutrality of it and that applies to Mums and Dads. My kids are now 14 and 12. I am starting to realize that my son will b finishing school in 3.5 years. That’s a scary thought. My kids still seem to need me as much as ever, at least in terms of taxi and food services. This is good and bad and sometimes I need more space and am trying to get back to work, except my health also holds me back on that front and has added a personal challenge to parenting too.
    Anyway, my P was Picasso: https://beyondtheflow.wordpress.com/2018/04/19/p-pablo-picasso-letters-to-dead-artists-a-z-challenge/
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

  4. The word parenting has connotation that only a parent can read, understand!
    Well penned article!

  5. I think we live we learn. Its okay to make mistakes if we don’t repeat them. Reading about parenting from a not-yet-a-parent point of view makes me feel that its going to be tough but everyone finds a way to deal with it at the end.

  6. Parenting is tough! Sure you can read all the parenting books, ask your child’s pediatrician a million questions, scout out advice from the veteran moms in your play group; but let’s face it, every child is different. What one parent, pediatrician, or author might swear by, may not work for your child. Which can cause a lot of frustration and worry. There’s no one size fits all guide for raising kids. If there was, all parents would be raising perfect eating, well-behaved, polite, selfless, caring little angels. And we’d all be a lot less stressed out! But the reality is, parenting is no walk in the park.

  7. So beautifully explained Aesha. I am entering the midlife and my son is already in teens. Hubby started his 40s a year and months ago. Our family of three is transforming and preparing to greet the future. Agree to all that u said on parenting. We get to know more when we interact with other people. Real life experience matters more than visuals or books. P is plethora of emotions. https://syncwithdeep.wordpress.com/2018/04/18/p-plethora-of-emotions-blogchattera2z-atozchallenge-atoz/

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