B Is for Breathing
I was very anxious the entire day yesterday. I am supposed to travel to Ahmedabad from Bengaluru tomorrow and needed to get RT-PCR test done. And since I travelled back from Coorg only yesterday, there was no way I could get the test done earlier. Entire afternoon was spent yesterday looking for a lab that would give me the report before my scheduled departure. Finally I got it done yesterday evening at a hospital which will send the reports within 24 hours.
I just was relieved of that misery and so I got on a call with my mother in law to inform her about my travel details when I got to know that she is not well since the past few days. She had to urgently visit the doctor as her sugar levels have been dropping since the couple of days. She nor my husband told me about this since I was on a vacation with my parents and they didn’t want me to get troubled. But knowing that I wasn’t with her and she had to manage the house chores in my absence while was unwell pushed me into extreme guilt of enjoying myself while she was unwell.
I even was unhappy with her that she didn’t get food ordered or got a cook to get the cooking done and kept managing everything herself. I was super annoyed with my husband too for allowing her to cook while she was so low on energy. I even gave her a long lecture about self-care and to shun this mindset of being the care giver all the time.
A thought also passed my mind what if I am unwell someday? Since I am very attached to her so I also told her that on the phone. I asked whether I will be expected to live upto the standards set up by her to be this person who always thinks about the family needs before her own. I regretted later that I gave her a full blown lecture on women empowerment. But the kind lady that she is, she didn’t take it to heart and rather tried to calm me down. But this entire conversation upset me for the night.
So, I woke up today at 4:00 AM. I have been trying to practice meditation since couple of months, but we all know that it is not easy to keep away negative thoughts or for that any kind of thoughts while you are sitting in solitude. So, I learnt to practice deep breathing exercises as a first step to control the stream of thoughts.
Deep breathing exercises has helped me control my negative stream of thoughts previously and it helped me today too. I practiced deep breathing for 10 minutes today. I counted my blessings when I took my breath in and took out all the negative thoughts while breathing out. After a few breaths, I had a smile on my face and there were absolutely no negative thoughts.
It brought me a kind of joy which I have not experienced before. During my earlier trips visiting my parents I would really be too upset to leave them because I knew it will be a year before I meet them again. And everyday a day before I am extremely stressed and sad. But surprisingly this time I am not feeling sad rather joyful of the time I have spent with them. Even during such times, I got an opportunity to travel with them and make some beautiful moments.
So, take my word breathing works. Try it.
I am participating in #BlogchatterA2Z .
To Read what else gives my joy click on : A Is For A Game Of Badminton