calm

C Is For Calm #DecodingMidlife

I am sure we all know what Calm means. Calm means not showing or feeling nervousness, anger, or other strong emotions.

But can we always control our emotions? Or Should we not express our emotions?

I don’t have answers and I am looking out for them. That’s why C is for Calm for me as I embark on this journey to decode Midlife.

It doesn’t take time for me to get excited. I react immediately.

While in school, I was a nervous learner. I was scared to be an underperformer. I would get exam jitters. I dreaded giving math exam.

As I grew older, I would become nervous if I had to take important decisions. After I became a mom, or should I say – A stay at home mom, the frustrations of being at home made me lose my calm and unfortunately my daughter became my punching bag.

The people whom I love the most bear the brunt of my outburst of emotions.

So, I react and get angry on my daughter, my hubby and my friends (they know whom I am referring to) when I just lose my calm.

Then after a while, when I introspect I get upset about losing it. But by then the damage has been done. I have hurt someone unknowingly.

I know as I will approach 40’s my body and mind will go through many changes which might make me impatient. But my goal is to become a calmer person.

For this, I plan to read more and practice mindfulness.

You can read more about practising mindfulness on my blogger friend Vasantha’s blog My Sweet Nothings. 

I aim to write more. Writing is therapeutic for me. Writing has helped me shun my anxieties and fearful nature.

As I express my feelings through my words, I get to release all the negative energies and can become a calmer person.

As Dalai Lama says and I will imbibe this in my life as I want to stay mentally and physically healthy.

 “Calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence, so that’s very important for good health.”

Also, Michael Caine’s words are quite profound.

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”

 Did you read my previous posts in the series #DecodingMidlife?

Here is my previous post: B Is For Beauty

49 comments

  1. It’s completely human to get overwhelmed by emotions, feelings, situations and circumstances. To express that discomfort will take off the weight of the negativity that one is carrying around. That’s harmful for the mental wellbeing. Training our mind to keep calm is a process that leads to maturity and acceptance of people, things and circumstances as is. Good one, Aesha!
    -Surbhi

  2. True Aesha, temperament can play havoc on one’s mind. I had this phase just after our marriage, left job and city in hope of new beginning and life. but had to sit at home without any job or aim for 6 long months and that created more harm then good.
    But as you mentioned introspection made us realize the fault and to get hold before its too late. Beautiful series.

    • Thanks for sharing your experience Dipika. I agree , with you and resonate with your feelings. After a year of my marriage we moved to Kolkata. And it was difficult for me to accept this change. As I wasn’t working , I spent most of my time reading so I would not feel depressed being lonely. I must have read around 40 books in one year. That kept my sanity intact.

  3. It’s not always easy to be calm or keep the mind from exploding with thoughts. As you said, writing helps. It really does. Most of us write for the very same reason, to get out calm and composed self.
    Hope you write more and have your composed self. 🙂

  4. Sometimes it’s not easy job to be calm but one should try ..I have seen most calm person in any situation in this whole world is my mom…it could be any emotional moment she is calm and not shows her emotions which is good and bad both at times

    • Oh yes.. one should be calm but there has to be a way to express emotions and I intend to do that by writing. I hope it makes me a better person. And you are right, I also feel you Mom should express her emotions. I think you should be her sounding board. ( sorry ! Gave a bit of gyaan to you)

  5. Visiting your blog for the first time after finding you on the #Challenge participant list. You have already discovered that writing, which can bring such joy, is a pathway into calmness as you journal your way through feeings, hopes and dreams. I can’t imagine my life without the joy of reading. The writing of others providing me a language for my own experiences. This is a long way around to say add a great book to your journey through your mid-life. My theme this year is BOOKSTORES, their architecture, location, and the great people who sell books. Today, the letter C, was about the booksellers along Chering Cross Rd. in London. Hope you can join me there. Stephenyhoughtlin.com

    • Thanks Stepheny for visiting my blog. And for your encouragement. I shall surely visit your blog too! Keep coming back

  6. Well, my question is this, Aesha, do we need to control our emotions? The real problem is the concept of control. The reality is nothing is in our control. I’d say don’t try to control your emotion or try to express it. Don’t try at all. Let it be natural. Let it come and go. You do not need to own it.

    I believe in mindlessness. Mind cannot be stable. Instability is the very nature of mind. Calmness lies in going beyond mind. Transcend mind and you’ll find truce, bliss and calmness.

    • Wow Ravish. Thanks. To think of it, you are right. Humans feel this urge within themselves to control everything. I am only concerned because I hurt my loved ones if I lose my calm. Particularly my daughter who is 9 years old. So I want to learn to calm my mind.

  7. I so wish I could be calm. As I approach my 40s there is lesser and lesser of calm. I feel like there are million things to do and achieve while I still have the time and energy. 🙁 It worries me sometimes.

  8. Good contemplation. It’s difficult to be calm when emotions are rushing forward. I haven’t found a foolproof technique yet, and I don’t think I shall. But best not to take decisions when not calm. Have seen it go wrong. The best therapy for any foul mood, at least for me, is writing or reading. 🙂

    • writing has helped me too. Learning new skills also helped me calm down a bit. Atleast I do not bother too many ppl around me.

  9. Its not as easy as it seems Aaesha. We all try to be calm but there are so many things which run through our minds that its not easy. Practising mindfulness can be helpful.

  10. This is so like me. When I am angry/upset/agitated, I mostly vent it out on my family, husband, friends.
    But I am trying to take conscious steps not to do it. I hope you become calmer as time progresses.

    • Yes Tamanna, recently a close friend told me that we have to think before we tell you something as you might just snap at us. That made me write this post.

  11. 40s also bring in the pre-menopause which is dreadful and can last upto 10 years. Irritability, frustration and short temper are its unique gifts along with a lot of hormonal changes. So yes by the 40s you would need to master Calmness to sail through this very weird phase of life. But take heart for it too passes; I have had my share of it and the best thing that has helped me achieve calm is meditation!!

    Color Master by Aimee Bender #atozchallenge

    • I know , my mother had a tough time and we as a family did have to keep lot of patience and also deal with her mood swings. I dread that too. I am lot like my mom so worry about those changes. Hopefully yoga and meditation will help me.

  12. An honest post Aesha. Knowing is half battle won. I am sure you will ace the practice of being clam and composed!

  13. You are right, Aesha, as we are approaching 40s, it’s important we stay calm. We have big decisions to take going further and lot of people depend on us, calmness is one virtue that will help us a lot going forward.

  14. You have poured your heart, dear. So truthful post. I was also like you only getting frustrated with work, home, people, son and hubby. I was a terrible person to myself and all around me. As I said earlier mindfulness helped me a lot. And big thanks for the mention. It’s a loving gesture. Me too linking this post on my blog.

  15. After embracing motherhood even I realized (thankfully quite soon) that I am losing myself, getting agitated on my daughter, and just bursting out at every small thing. But m glad i took a u-turn soon. It is definitely extremely important to find something one loves to do, to keep his/her cool, to remain calm inside. Responsibilities will never end but that’s where we need to figure out how to manage being responsible while being calm. M liking your posts, Aesha. They are making me think, to analyze. Thanks.

    • So glad to read you are liking my posts so much. Thanks a lot for visiting and sharing your thoughts too.

    • yes, hopefully by the time I finish writing all the posts I will be a calmer person. It’s helping me.

  16. I dint know this about you Aesha you always seem like. Super calm person to me, ak last like a saint. I am restless and impatient too and prefer to spill out my emotions but overtime I have realised it doesn’t always work well.

    • Yes, that’s how I am . There is always a turmoil inside me. But writing has helped and that’s why my online friends know me only as a calm person.

  17. You sound like me here Aesha. I’m struggling with similar issues, compounded by migraines that started suddenly last year. I started learning Yoga a few months ago and practising breathing exercises. It helps, as does writing. Good luck 🙂

    • Yes Neha. Yoga helps a lot to calm a mind. I used to practice Ashtang Yoga until 3 months back. I should get back to it soon. That will surely help. Thanks for visiting.

  18. Seriously, this is great. Acknowledging is the first step. We all tend to lose calm, with the age. Due to harmonal changes in the body. “Keep calm and write” is my motto, these days.

  19. What a timely and excellent post! I particularly like the quote by the Dalai Lama. So true! That’s a very good goal to write more since you find it therapeutic. I find that writing in the morning in my journal lets me get out anything on my mind that distracts me from being focused on the day ahead. Like you, I find it therapeutic to write and miss it when I don’t.

    • Thanks Ann for visiting my blog and sharing your thoughts . Yes, writing does give my mind lot of peace.

  20. Calm much needed for the midlife crisis. Very beautifully explained. All you need now is some cover, chill and change. Come to my post for a change and have your say, aesha. Have a nice day 🙂

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